Soooo, it's July. Many of us (well me) start to reflect on what we have accomplished so far this year. What our New Year's resolutions were, what we were going to change, what was on our list, and what is STILL on our list.
Writing in my journal is kind of grounding for me, I have been doing it on and off my whole life. (I tend to write more when I think I am having an epiphany, you know like now.)
It is also where every year I write down that THIS is the year I follow MY dreams.
As I flip through the pages of 2018; I am looking at all of the posts about my family, the funny things that happened, our happy times and our sad times, what the kids have been doing, what we have been doing around the house and barn, the non profit organizations that I've helped, etc.
I have written about the things I wanted, WAIT scratch that, was GOING to accomplish, and I have written down ideas, dreams and quotes.
I always focused on a word or words and doodled it in my journal, words like:
Be Brave, Be Bold, Grow, The Future is Female, BOSS, Don't Fear Change, Have Faith in YOURself! Do What YOU Love, YOU are the only one holding yourself back, Make stuff happen!
2018 is the year for YOU!
Yup, it's July! J...U...L...Y people, and I still am not doing what I truly want to be doing! WT(blank)! Ugh, I am not getting any younger!
So, why, oh why do I have such a hard time with this? I mean I am always willing to help others with their plans and help motivate them to achieve their goals. Yet, here I am still typing away on this blog. (That most likely nobody outside of my family and maybe, I mean maybe, a few friends are reading.) AHHHHHH!
I put things on my calendar, IN INK, 'cause if it is written in ink it will happen, right. (You know they make these awesome white-out rollers!) I seem to keep pushing off anything that involves ME.
Somehow, every year, I let the world define me. I conform to what I feel I need to do, not what I truly want to do. In turn, I miss out on what I feel, deep inside, that I should be doing.
It's nothing fantastical, just focusing on my passions, taking pictures, writing, sharing my love for animals and our Life on Lost Creek Ranch (Yet another blog, no one reads) and using that to help others in some way.
I promote other peoples dreams, businesses, and lives, yet...I get stuck when it comes to my own.
2018 was supposed to be THE YEAR FOR ME...The year I made my inner dream come true. Well, other than actually hitting the big five O. I am still in the same boat I was in 2017. And I might add a few pounds heavier, I mean I DO love those evening milkshakes!
Yes, I have helped some very worthy non-profits with their missions, but I have a mission to...dang it! I keep saying that I'm am not going to take on anything that I really do not want to do, I am going to learn to say no, and I am going to follow my heart and take a chance on ME.
Maybe I feel like that is selfish? I don't know.
I like to do things for others though, make other people happy, help them accomplish their goals and their calling, but I have a hard time receiving that for myself. I can't seem to take the first step onto the path I feel deep inside my being that is meant for me.
God will lead me. I keep thinking that everything will lineup just right and I will know when to step onto that path. I will get a sign. Well, let me tell you, I've had plenty of signs, and He has led me to that path time and time again. I have stood at the beginning, maybe even lifted my foot to take the first step, but then...I swing myself around and go down a path in the opposite direction.
Maybe it is a fear of rejection...what if nobody likes my writing? What if they think my pictures suck? Maybe it is the fear that what I want to do really won't make a difference? Even though people keep telling me to move forward, maybe I'm not really good enough?
Yikes! It's scary putting yourself out there and failing (or tripping, I do that a lot). But if you never take a chance at failing, you'll never know what you are truly capable of or what is waiting down that path that is meant for you.
Yesterday my desktop motivation calendar kind of hit home...
"Don't wait until the time feels right. Don't wait until you feel ready. You will wait forever."
That is an incredibly true statement. We are in charge of our destiny and if we (OK I) keep waiting for the time to be perfect, for everything to line up just right, it will never happen.
So, yes, I might still be writing for a non existent audience and sharing pictures to my very limited social media following. But maybe, just maybe, this will motivate someone else to start living THEIR dream!
And, if it does motivate you, the one person reading this, could you please come get me, I think I need a kick in the arse (that's the British word for buttocks)!
Make what's left of 2018 the year you go out and take a chance on YOU! You're not getting any younger either! Just saying.
Remember...
We think in pictures...if you wish to change what you think, change the picture. - Aristotle
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