Tomorrow's Wishes

I knew it was coming, we were preparing for it for months. I lived with him for two of those months as his main care giver...but the afternoon of December 14th, when my daddy took his last breath, it hit me like someone had knocked the wind out of me and sank me in a river.

He was gone.


As the weeks go by I find myself constantly wanting to call him; to share what is going on in my life, to run by for a quick visit, to feel his arms around me and receive one of his wonderful hugs or to feel his warm soft hand in mine.

I listen to the voice mail on his phone and I look at his pictures all the time.

There are good days and bad. The good are the days I can share a story with the kids or my husband and laugh about all the silly things he said.

The bad days were Christmas, it was hard of course, just not the same, but we got through it.

Then there are the emotional days like when I cried at the grocery store when I saw the peanut brittle that he loved so much or the fudge I used to buy him. (My dentist now loves it to, I broke a crown eating the entire tin of peanut brittle!)

I cried when I went to Tessa's award ceremony. The other parents were probably thinking "Really? She is getting a certificate for being respectful in class, not a Nobel Peace Prize." But he would never be at another award ceremony or grandparents day. Tessa is going to miss all of those moments.

There are days I am depressed but just can't put my finger on it, since I really am an upbeat kind of person all the time. So I dismiss it. But the dull ache stays.

It was hard to say goodbye to my Mom 12 years ago, but now I am not only saying goodbye to my Dad, I feel as though I am reliving and saying good bye to them both. I have no more resources to hear about when I was a kid or to share about my greatest triumphs or deepest sorrows. My husband is my best friend, but not a parent. I have no one to call Mommy or Daddy. No one to buy a card for on Mother's Day or Father's Day...it is all truly sinking in.

I am in awe of all of the family, friends and neighbors that pulled together for him while he was ill and that came to show their respect and their love for him at his funeral. Writing words for his funeral service was so incredibly hard, but I wanted to honor him as he had asked me to.

Many of his friends had asked me to share my eulogy with them. So, these are the words I spoke and the poem I read at his funeral. Perhaps this is another way for me to say thank you all for your support and love that you have shown not only my dad but to me and my family as well and to also help with the healing process.

Daddy

December 20th - Daddy's funeral...

I was blessed and honored to be able to spend these last few months staying with and caring for my dad. He and I both were truly humbled on a daily basis by the support and love you showed him and I want to thank each of you for helping to make his last days some of his best days. It was a blessing to me to see such an amazing circle of friends, neighbors and family that cared for him so deeply. I enjoyed listening to you relive past memories with him and I laughed along as he joked with you. I will cherish those memories as if they were my own.

It was a blessing and an honor to have had that time with him. But it truly would not have been possible without the unconditional love and support from my husband and kids. I am forever grateful and proud of you all, you are my rock and I could not have gone through this without you by my side. Thank you.

During my talks with my Dad these past few moths I learned a lot about his life and he shared things with me he has never shared before. Some of which i may be calling a few of you about. It's no secret that my Dad loved to be the center of attention, the life of the party and he had a great sense of humor. Once when we were all taking pictures, he told my kids he invented the selfie. For those of you that do not know what that is ask someone younger sitting next to you. Right up until he couldn't speak he continued with his contagious humor. I would ask him if he was ok, and he would look at me, grab his chest, and then pretend to have a heart attack. But I loved that about him, he kept his sense of humor through it all, always saying, "Terri, when I stop joking, that's when you need to start worrying."

Another one of his favorite things to say was "I can dish it out but I can't take it" and how true that was. Yet, he wanted you to play along, probably so he could say that to you. i truly enjoyed watching him in action. he didn't care if it was someone he had known his whole life or someone he had just met.

At first his hospice nurse wasn't quite sure how to take him, but quickly realized, as we all know, that he was an extraordinary man and it wasn't long before they would banter back and forth. She later nicknamed him the grizzly bear. Partly because he could handle meds like a grizzly bear and partly because he was so strong, his heart and his will to be here with us all. My daddy handled all that was thrown at him with dignity and grace and he was an unbelievably strong willed man and those are all qualities that I pray I have within me.

While I know that his suffering is over and that today he is in the Lord's arms and at peace, my family and I will miss him dearly. No more trips with Papa to the zoo, or wrestling sessions for me to referee. No more hugs from my daddy or his warm hands in mine. No more talks with my husband on how proud he is of the man that he has become. He won't be there for graduations or future weddings. I will have no more dances with him; my hand in his, his hand on my back gently gliding me across the floor. No more stopping by to help him, no more hearing his voice...all of that we will greatly miss.

As much as we will miss him, those of you that know my Dad well know that there was only one woman for him and he waited 12 long years to be with his one true love again, Dee. Joe and Dee, Mommy an Daddy, are now sharing a long awaited dance in heaven and I will take peace in knowing that they are finally reunited.

He is also now reunited with his twin brother, where he can continue their friendly bantering up there. He is joined again with his siblings, parents, family, friends and loved ones we've lost. So I am quite sure there is one heck of a reunion going on right now. Daddy often said that family is the most important thing in your life, and while he has left some of his family here, there are many of his family welcoming him in heaven.

This is not an easy time of year to lose someone you love, and Christmas was my Dad's favorite time of year. He loved the snow and talked about wishing he could see just one more good snowfall. During his final days, we spent time decorating the Christmas tree, baking cookies, watching to see where Jingle the Elf decide to rest each day, watching some of his favorite movies like White Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life. Lots of hugs were going around and of course many tears as well. We enjoyed every minute with him.

Then we got that first snowfall, although he could no longer get up to look outside we showed him pictures of the snow falling and my kids sledding in his backyard. But he was waiting for a good snowfall. Then, the night before he passed away, the snow started to fall again. Although he could no longer respond, we told him all about it, how fluffy the snow was and how beautiful it was lying in the trees. The next morning we told him about the awesome snow fort that was being built in his front yard. We knew that he had just received his wish for one last good snowfall.

Being around friends and surrounding himself with family were so important to Dad, as I am sure with all of you as well. I pray that each of you can take comfort in knowing that while he may not physically be here with us, he is watching over us now as he is sharing this Christmas with those we have lost, in heaven. No doubt with his arm firmly resting around my Mom's waist.

If I could say one last thing to my Dad now, of course after I said, I love you daddy, always and forever, It would simply be, rest in peace Daddy. But something tells me his response would be..."Don't tell me what to do." of course another one of his favorite things to say.

There is one last thing I would like to share with you; it is a poem that I wrote for him...

Daddy

When I was feeling down
and life seemed rough.
I could always count on you
to help see me through.

With caring words
like "keep the faith"
or those great big hugs
that made me feel so safe.

Daddy's little girl
I want to always be.
Yet I pray for your strength
to reside in me.

These words I could not say
nearly often enough...
I love you Daddy always
in good times and rough.

The years passed us by
ever so quickly.
But the times that we shared
I will treasure so deeply.

The songs that we've danced to,
the trips to the zoo.
The times that we spent,
just me and you.

The fatherly talks
the advice that you would give.
I will ever forget them
as long as I live.

Our final hug
our last "I love you"
will stay with me always
and lift me when I am blue.

I love you Daddy
truly I do.
Hugs and kisses
from me to you.

Thank you all for blessing us and honoring my dad, for loving him and for remembering him always. We will not mourn his death but celebrate his life.

My dad's "original selfie"

His one last good snowfall

There really is no other way to explain it except...she picked me.

It was May 11th 2013 and I was on my way to my then 7 yr. old daughter Tessa's field trip. Following behind that big yellow bus complaining to my friend and co worker on the phone about how much work I had to do and really did not want to be going on this darn field trip.

On our way to Long Meadow Rescue Ranch

Her words... "Enjoy your daughter, she's in first grade, in another couple of years she will not want you to go on her field trips. Relax and just try to enjoy your day with her, work will be there when you are done."

It was a beautiful Spring day, sun was shinning bright the trees were in bloom. So with a deep breath and an admittance that she was right, I drove my car through the gates of Long Meadow Rescue Ranch. Determined to put work aside and just spend this time with my little girl.

Passing through the gates of Long Meadow Rescue Ranch

Long Meadow Rescue Ranch is a unique facility that is part of the Humane Society of Missouri. Horses, cows, pigs, and the like call this place home until someone comes along and adopts them. It really is quite a beautiful place. Tessa's class had raised money and collected old blankets to bring to the rescue ranch.

And for some unforeseen reason, as I passed through the gates I felt a sense of calm. It really was a remarkable layout and the day couldn't have been more perfect. OK so maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

We started our day off with a group picture and the presentation of the funds the 1st grade classes had raised. Everyone was smiling and I was doing my best to smile along with them. Trying to relax was not going to be easy. Then we broke into groups and I was given the kids I would be in charge of for the day.  We met our volunteer tour guide for the day and Tessa looked up at me and smiled and I smiled back. I remember thinking...OK let's do this. Get through the day, enjoy spending time with your daughter, pray they give you the group of good kids, get back to work...check!


Tessa took me by the hand, gave a little tug, and we were off. First we were given a little information about Long Meadow and their adorable Barn Buddies you can sponsor, the kids were really enjoying themselves.

Then it was time to go visit the horses in their stables. I admit, they were nice horses, some even beautiful, but not once did I think, "Oh, let's get a horse." In fact I had told my older daughter repeatedly over the years that we were not getting a horse. They were too expensive, we had no where to keep one and it was a huge responsibility and we were novice at best as to even taking care of a horse.

Our kids were always good at talking us into pets, "Oh we will take care of  it!" then you ask them to clean up the little nuggets in the back yard and that promise is out the window. So saying no to a horse over the years and those "apples" they leave behind was a no brainer...no.

As we were walking through the stables the children all gathered around this one particular horse. His name was Twist of Fate, Twister for short. He was a beautiful horse and was a permanent resident of  Long Meadow Rescue Ranch.

Twist of Fate aka Twister being petted by his admirers

Twister and Tessa

Several years prior there was a horrible accident on Interstate 44, a tractor trailer was bound for the slaughter house when in a twist of fate their was an accident which Long Meadow Rescue Ranch helped saved many of those same horses lives, one of which was the Thoroughbred mare pregnant with the colt now known as Twister.  horrific tractor trailer accident on Interstate 44

And OK, I admit, it was a very touching story, and I was truly thankful that those horses were spared, but I still didn't have an urge to get one.

We walked around and learned about the Barn Buddies, the history of Long Meadow Rescue Ranch and how they have expanded over the years and visited the other horses.




Once we finished looking at the other horses our tour guide let us know that it was our turn to take a hay ride. Again, I remember my thought then, "Oh great, a bumpy ride down a dirt trail, oh joy." But we piled into the trailer and off we went.

Me and Tessa on the hayride

By this time Tessa was starving and I was sneaking her a snack when the teacher wasn't looking. We were admiring the beautiful pastures with the bright yellow flowers and green grass which looked to go for miles. I mean it really was picture perfect. The sky even looked like it had been painted just for us. Hmmm, this is turning out to be a pretty good day.


There really were so many horses in the fields and with the sun out and the back drop the way it was, I just had to take a few photos. Tessa was having a good time and I was enjoying watching her face light up. OK so maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

I mean aside from my backside hurting from sitting on the wood bench in the hay trailer. What is it, the older you get your fat just gets redistributed, but for some reason mine has left my back side and landed on my middle, which in this case did me no good since I needed the padding underneath my seat.


When we were done with our hayride our tour guide took us up past the stables to another area that housed some adorable little piggies and random farm animals. We took more pictures, the children in my group were posing and Tessa and I held hands as we walked out of the structure. OK so those little piggies were kind of cute.

Little Piggy

Tessa and the little piggy

Tessa with a teeny tiny horse!

Once we got back down the hill we headed over to another pasture area. And yes, I did grumble to myself a bit..."I better make a mental note to check Tessa and I when we get done for ticks." And on we trekked over to the pastures. To be honest I wasn't looking ahead but instead down at the ground desperately trying to stay away from the tall grasses.

Then all of a sudden the kids started running toward the fences to pet the horses. I heard them saying, "Wow, look how pretty! Do you see that white one?!"

It was then that it happened. It is a moment I will never forget. And an instant that forever changed my life.

There along the white pasture fence was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. And I felt the most powerful pulling from deep within me, it was a feeling I have never had before.

She looked like she had been sent to us from above...

The kids all made a b-line for her and their hands were up in the air trying to pet this horse, one even said "It looks like a unicorn!"

I couldn't take my eyes off of this horse, for the first time all day, I wanted to pet a horse, and not any horse...that horse! There had been other white horses at the ranch, plenty of other horses, but there was just something different about this horse.

And as I walked closer I realized that it was as if she was ignoring the kids and just looking at me and Tessa. Tessa tugged on my hand and said "Do you see that horse mommy? Isn't it beautiful?" All I could say was "Uh huh."

Tessa and I made our way over to the fence, but there were so many kids there that we couldn't get close enough to pet the horse. So I said to Tessa "Let's go a little further down the fence and look at some of the other horses, when they get done we will go over and pet the horse." Reluctantly she agreed and actually I felt the same way, a bit let down. I grabbed her hand and we walked down the fence line.

Have I told you that I have an amazingly talented friend named Dawn?

Well...

She put together the most beautiful wedding shower for her son and soon to be daughter in law that would put the pros to shame! She bought almost all of her crafting supplies at Michaels Stores and with the cupcake design help of her daughter she pulled off quite an amazing event!

From beginning to end she paid close attention to detail making sure the soon to be happily married couple would have a wedding shower they would not soon forget!

Let's start with the invites...Dawn let me take a few pictures of her in action making them.

She used this delicate dress back ground that she had as the template for the invite. She changed the background color to a Tiffany blue,  added all of the event information and gathered her supplies...

Her supplies included: 4x6 prints of the finished invite, white card stock, glue gun, Tiffany blue ribbon and flowers, scissors and double sided tape (not pictured: single hole punch)

Start off by mounting your 4x6 invite print onto a 5x7 piece of card stock using the double sided tape. Dawn used a pearly cross grain finish on the front of the card stock to give the invite texture. Be sure to leave a little extra room on the top to punch your holes for the ribbon. Cut about a 5 inch section of ribbon for the first part of the bow, you will use this to loop through the holes (as shown). Make sure you trim the edges of your looped ribbon at an angle.

Now using a 6-7 inch piece of ribbon make a bow

Then take a flower, add a dab of hot glue and place it on the center of your bow.  (Note: You might notice the hot pink marabou stuck to her glue gun,  first that's a sign of a real crafter and second you have to check out her Etsy store Doodles, Dots N Dimples!  OMGosh! She makes the most adorable party hats! Matter of fact, she made the bracelets she's wearing to...can you say TALENTED!)

Once you are finished add a dab of glue to the back of the bow (with flower already attached) and glue it to the center of the looped ribbon on the top of the invitation

Trim the edges of your bow at a slight angle

Ta-Daa! (OK, don't laugh at the very unprofessional blocking out of the information. Although, I thought Dawn would appreciate me not giving that out to the entire world.)

Are those not the cutest invites! Simple to make, low cost and just down right beautiful!

OK, now on to the decorations...

What that woman can do with a little tulle, baby's breath, some ribbon and a mason jar, dang! It is just mind boggling! She is like a crafting MacGyver!

She didn't go crazy with decorations, just enough to tie everything together...

She made an adorable flag banner using her Cricut that said Miss to Mrs. She tied them together with ribbon and hung it for guests to see as they arrived.

She decorated her banisters using Tiffany blue and white tulle, ribbons and baby's breath

Simple and elegant

She added a wonderful spray of tulle to the mantle as well (Is that not a cool mantle by the way!)

She utilized mason jars, tulle and baby's breath to make centerpieces for the table

The plates were a combination of Tiffany blue and Damask

Even the cupcakes were made by her and her beautiful daughter Courtney. She placed them on a tower with baby's breath and a tulle bow. It was a perfect touch!

Each cupcake was in a damask wrapper adding an elegant touch

She added Tiffany blue pearls and a light dusting of baking sugar crystals  to give them a beautiful sparkle. Everyone was raving about them!

She had so much food to! She opted for all appetizers, finger sandwiches and yummy treats.

When it was time for games I was excited and nervous. I had been to two previous showers and had given her a few ideas of what games they played there that she could use. So I was hoping they would go over well. Below are examples of the games and a brief description of how to play each game.

Wedding Word Scramble: We used the background from her invitation for the games to tie it all together. For this game we came up with wedding words like: Veil, invitation, honey moon, vows, tears, bridesmaid, etc. and then scrambled them all up. The winner was the one that had the most correct answers. She had prizes to pick from like a collection of Bath and Body works lotions or a damask stationary set (adorable).

Famous Couples Match Up: For this game you had to match up famous couples like Scarlett and Rhett, Lucy and Desi, Shaggy and Scooby Doo, Beyonce and Jay Z, Pebbles and Bam Bam, and so on. We even had Taylor and Jenn!  The winner was able to choose one of the many fun prizes.

What's in Your Purse: You really find out a lot about your guests in this one. We really needed to add a bonus section for the "oddest item". Basically, you get points for what you have tucked inside that bag of yours. Like 1 point for gum or candy, or 5 points for a seashell or nail polish and so on... Winner of this one was able to pick from the prize bags Dawn had made up.

The Price is Right: OK I love this one. There are two winners! Who ever guesses right and the soon to be Bride or Groom. For this one she had a Movie Night theme. She simply bought a large popcorn bucket and filled it with bags of popcorn, movies, candy, etc. Trick is to keep track of your receipts and tally it all up. BUT, don't tell anyone.

Then  you pass around the bucket to each guest and have them write down their best guess of what the think the entire bucket and its contents cost. The one that comes the closest without going over wins! Best part...they get a prize and the soon to be bride and groom get the bucket!

The winner of The Price is Right game received this...

My dear best friend Dawn, doing her Vanna White impersonation and  holding up the prize! It was made by Dawn's son and the one and only soon to be groom...Taylor. He is a fire fighter by day and amazing artist by night. Check him out at Taylor Paints!

These two little buggers are mine. Samantha and Tessa.

It now proudly rests in our family room and we use the chalk board all the time! This is exactly how everyone left that wedding shower...smiling. Great job Dawn!